pages/essays/dents-in-the-bat.md
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+---
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+title: Dents in the Bat
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+tag:
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+ - personal
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+abstract: A short poem on my relationship with God
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+---
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+---
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+
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+One night, I dreamt I walked with God
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+down the long road of my life.
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+
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+Scenes flickered past like an old VHS tape:
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+some good,
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+some rough,
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+and one labeled “1988”
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+—which, respectfully,
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+we do not speak of.
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+
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+And in every scene,
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+God was right there beside me,
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+carrying this
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+dented aluminum baseball bat
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+with my name scratched into it like a prison shiv.
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+
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+Finally I asked,
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+"Okay… seriously.
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+What’s with the bat?"
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+
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+God gave me *that* look.
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+You know the one.
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+The
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+"I love you,
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+but come on,
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+you already know this"
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+look.
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+
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+And He said:
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+
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+“Listen.
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+My child.
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+My beloved.
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+
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+You do **not**
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+respond
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+to gentle suggestion.
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+
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+You do not ‘pick up on hints.’
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+You do not learn from
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+‘quiet internal nudges.’
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+No, no.
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+
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+**You** —
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+require percussion.”
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+
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+I stared at the bat.
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+I stared at the dents.
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+I considered my entire track record of decision-making.
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+
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+“...Okay, valid,” I said.
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+
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+I pointed at the biggest dent.
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+“That one… that’s when I—”
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+
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+“Yes,” He said.
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+Immediately.
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+No hesitation.
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+We do not need to rehash that one.
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+
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+I pointed at another.
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+“And that one was—”
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+
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+“Yes,” He said again,
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+even faster.
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+
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+I pointed at one that looked like
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+He took a full Major League swing.
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+
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+He didn’t even wait.
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+He just nodded,
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+slow,
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+meaningful,
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+like a man who has seen some things.
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+
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+And I said,
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+“Alright, but—
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+Are these dents all the times
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+You smacked me in the head?”
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+
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+And God laughed.
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+Not a soft laugh.
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+A **Hah ... HAH!**
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+The laugh of someone who knows exactly
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+who He is dealing with.
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+
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+“No, child,” He said.
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+Very gently.
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+Very simply.
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+
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+“The dents are all the times
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+**you survived it.**”
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+
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+And I felt it.
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+Right there.
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+Not in the head.
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+In the ribs.
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+
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+Because yeah.
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+We’ve been doing this a long time.
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+
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+I sighed.
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+Looked at the bat.
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+Looked at Him.
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+
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+“So ... did we have to use a bat?”
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+
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+God just shrugged,
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+like He’s been waiting **years** to say this line:
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+
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+“You chose the bat.
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+I just agreed to swing it.”